He’s been bringing the items on that plate one at a time for the past 15 minutes and he’s still got a bunch more to go; I hope you’re going to tip well.

Looks like a disembowelment.

There’s an old joke that uses this premise.

President Bush was briefed on the war this morning. He was told that 3 Brazilian solders were killed in Iraq.

To everyone’s amazement, all the color drained from the President’s face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked, “Just exactly how many is a Brazilian?”

I had to google this, legitimately thought you were referring to a Pokemon or something. Some weird combination of Geodude and Psyduck, maybe.

Look, if I have to go bankrupt for visiting the hospital to make sure that all these “rainbow flag” groups can’t corrupt our youth, that’s what I’m going to do!

• Conservatives, probably

Nowhere near as high-stakes as some of the others here, but…

When I was 16 or so, I was hanging out with a few friends and one of them pulled out a joint and a bottle of some kind of liquor, and started passing it around. I got a really bad feeling about it and bailed on it.

Found out the next day that after I’d left, they’d gotten pretty drunk and/or high, and had decided it would be a good idea to take one of their mother’s minivan for a drive around their property. They scraped the side of it on something, took off a huge bit of paint, and then decided the best course of action would be to use some spray paint they found in the garage to try and cover it up.

They were all grounded for quite a long time, a fate I managed to avoid by leaving when I did.

Kind of surprised by the lack in South America. I know there’s an at least semi-active furry presence down there.

“I… declare… VICTORY!”

There’s also endless content of them confidently presenting these arguments to judges when they’ve broken laws and being immediately shut down by said judges.

I would never say “Sorry your dog died 😭”, because emoji by their nature add too much levity to such a statement.

I think this depends heavily on which ones you use. The simple ones like 🙁 are fine (IMO); they’re often autocorrected from :( which I’ve never seen as making light of the situation. I use those a lot just to indicate the tone of a message. There’s a big difference between “I’m so sorry 🙁” and “I’m so sorry 😉”.

Even just like… hitting a speed bump would be pretty bad.

No quicker way to negatively influence a friendship than loaning money. Doubly so with the expectation of interest.

Ooh, this looks great!

“If you want to make a historically accurate moon landing sim, you must first model the universe.” -Carl Sagan

There were even cartoons in the 80s and 90s that made this joke. I vaguely recall a Bugs Bunny cartoon or something similar where the characters were at an auction, and one went to hit another and the auctioneer interpreted it as a bid, and they spent the rest of the show trying to get other people to accidentally place bids, too, to outbid them so they wouldn’t have to pay for it.

Mark my words, someone’s going to make a video game with 100% historical accuracy with this.

he sure is an antichrist

He is anti-Christ.

The problem is that it says it in the same general section that it talks about how to treat your slaves and things, so it’s really kind of ridiculous to cherry pick this one thing as something we should uphold today while ignoring everything else.

Why not both?

calamardo tentáculos

This is great. This is his new name in my head.