Sorry that that happened to you! Unfortunately there are many people in lesbian communities that can be quite judgemental about such things.

And some people just simply haven’t considered the difference between being attracted to and physical enjoyment derived from sex with somebody. Look at asexual people (who generally experience very limited or no sexual attraction) - some of them are having partners and enjoying sex, and it’s incorrect to say that they aren’t ace anymore because of that (although there has been some drama regarding this topic, go figure). Same in your case.

I’d say saying you’re a lesbisn is absolutely fine - you’re the final arbiter of your own identity.

Same, except that once it gets too big we take it out to my parents’ house in the mountains and plant it there. So far one has died and one is surviving and happily growing.

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Not necessarily? Icy water would have been rare, but even in the summer water from a stream or a lake is colder than the air, which is enough to make it refreshing. And well water can be very cold.