If the alcohol is the problem, there’s a lot of non-alcoholic beers available in Australia these days.

Possibly a nitro cold brew? I don’t know if you’d consider that a good pairing with a burger, though!

Maybe a switchel, if you make it yourself and don’t sweeten it too much, leaving it mostly tart.

Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010) and The Cabin in the Woods (2012) (go in spoiler-free with this one) are both good comedy horror.