What value does she provide to society now? And what value would she provide if, say, she was injured in such a way that she couldn’t work anymore? What about when she retires? Does she think she should be culled in either of those cases?
She has a lot of money, which I can’t get into the details of because of privacy reasons, but she could live off of the assets that she has and is safe as long as the entire system doesn’t collapse. She doesn’t really need retirement funds from the government.
(The only small problem is that we’re not white… but then again, you got Clarence Thomas in Supreme Court so I’m not sure race really matters if you have enough wealth to shield yourself.)
As for “value”, she’s probably answer that she makes a lot of money, and therefore that’s “value”, I mean how do you win argument against that. “I’m rich” is basically her sword and shield. And noboy left her an inheritance either, so there’s nothing of the sort I could use in an argument.
(Not really rich, more like “middle class”)
She said she spent so much money on me so I have “negative value”. She paid the fine for my illegal birth against government policy, and she said childbirth was a lot of pain. Spend so much time and money to raise me. So I “owe” her a lot.
I mentioned about that time during my birthday that she made me help her with… her bussiness stuff (which I can’t talk about in details. I told her she ruined my birthday (it was my 18th birthday btw, so just… wow…). Then she told me so what? 生日又點呀，好巴閉呀？(So what it was your birthday, wow such an acomplishment!) Then she reminded me that she did all the work of giving birth to me and raising, and I should thank her.
I’m sorry if I sound so angry, I just… I have no one to talk to. (I’m working on finding psychiatric help, but I feel like I can’t trust anyone)
Every second I’m near her, its just belittling.
I hate my heritage more and more because of this.
I have no way to leave. I’m just trapped because I was never allowed to cultivate the skills to live independently. I was always helping with my parents with their bussiness, no time to learn independence.
Man, she just sounds parasitic. That really sucks. I don’t know anything about therapy or helping people with bad relationships or anything, but it also sounds like she’s isolated you pretty effectively, which I know is a common tactic for people like this.
You said you don’t have the skills to live independently - are you talking about day to day skills, like laundry and cooking; or are you talking more about being employable away from your family?
Depression make it hard to just… endure like a normal work week.
I mean I could probably be “normal” again if I have a safe environment I and get like antidepressants for 6 months, to like slowly transition to independence, but like if you immediately threw me out in the streets with no preparation, I’d probably die really quickly since I’m prediabetic and like hunger kills me really quickly… (like I just feel very shaky without food for like a few hours… if I’m outside and have to deal with extreme temperatures… yea I’d perish lol) and also like my throughts are all over the place…
But I don’t know like… how do I do it…
For context: My older brother is 5 years older than me and he’s still living at home… but he doesn’t even have depression, I do.
I kinda how to do do laundry, I did sometimes during my teen years.
I can sort of cook very basic foods, but no idea what is a “normal” nutricious meal… idk how to make 90% of the stuff my dad makes. Too complicated. Idk how to do grocery shopping really. Like more of just anxiety.
I have servere separation anxiety… I tried living at college-owned appartments for some time… I couldn’t sleep at night…
I really can’t get used to living with “strangers”.
So sharing a living space with others could be just as bad as, if not worse, than family.
I really have a fear of someone trying to poison me or mess with my stuff…
Living alone is… well expensive… and also doesn’t really solve the separation anxiety issue.
Idk what my brain is doing. Why am I so emotionally attached to my abusive parents? Especially very attached to my mother even though she is the most abusive one…
It’s really strange… please don’t judge me lol… like I feel anxious around my mother, but also anxious when I’m away from my mother…
You’re young and frustrated. And your parents aren’t parenting well. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you. I suspect your mom is dick-ishly trying to get you to work harder. It will be frustrating but I suggest trying to come to some sort of compromise with her about what you want to do that she also views as “valuable”. If not and you want to rebel (I did, I moved out at 20 and kept my parents at a distance), then start working on those independence skills now. If not, you’ll be miserable and always consider yourself a victim in life, which isn’t a fun way to live despite it feeling good in the moment.
I’m not going to pretend that I understand your culture, I don’t. But I can understand the “child of immigrants” position in the world that we share. I just started a LOT longer ago.
And I won’t belabour the point. I’ll sum up.
They moved here because of what THEY wanted. They also want you to be eternally grateful and follow their example. Except, you are a person, too. So, if they can’t see how glorious you can be, they can either watch you struggle with cognitive dissonance induced depression forever or they can let you grow, explore and find what you’re great at.
For the record, I needed a clean break from my dad to be able to rebuild my life. He was the role in my life that was toxic in the same way you describe your mom. That was in 2005. Incidentally, part of my story also had me leave North America for over a decade. I spent some time in Korea and China while I was away.
I hope you find your way clear. There is a way, you just have to find it. Take it slow. Determination and focus on a goal can help alleviate depression. This is an excellent step, asking about on the 'net. Everyone has value. Your mom is blinded to the fact (and it is certain) that she too was what we once all were, young, naive and full of unrealized potential. So she found her potential and realized it, but she forgot about it ever being unrealized. And that is on her, not on you. She is not better than you because your potential is as yet unrealized, and she’s actively damaging your potential by pretending she is. Ignore it, stay focused and find your way.
Edit: and if you can find professional help that you trust, good. Depression is not just in the mind, it can be physiological as well. You may need to find out, but this will be part of your journey.
She has a lot of money, which I can’t get into the details of because of privacy reasons, but she could live off of the assets that she has and is safe as long as the entire system doesn’t collapse. She doesn’t really need retirement funds from the government.
(The only small problem is that we’re not white… but then again, you got Clarence Thomas in Supreme Court so I’m not sure race really matters if you have enough wealth to shield yourself.)
As for “value”, she’s probably answer that she makes a lot of money, and therefore that’s “value”, I mean how do you win argument against that. “I’m rich” is basically her sword and shield. And noboy left her an inheritance either, so there’s nothing of the sort I could use in an argument.
(Not really rich, more like “middle class”)
She said she spent so much money on me so I have “negative value”. She paid the fine for my illegal birth against government policy, and she said childbirth was a lot of pain. Spend so much time and money to raise me. So I “owe” her a lot.
I mentioned about that time during my birthday that she made me help her with… her bussiness stuff (which I can’t talk about in details. I told her she ruined my birthday (it was my 18th birthday btw, so just… wow…). Then she told me so what? 生日又點呀，好巴閉呀？(So what it was your birthday, wow such an acomplishment!) Then she reminded me that she did all the work of giving birth to me and raising, and I should thank her.
I’m sorry if I sound so angry, I just… I have no one to talk to. (I’m working on finding psychiatric help, but I feel like I can’t trust anyone)
Every second I’m near her, its just belittling.
I hate my heritage more and more because of this.
I have no way to leave. I’m just trapped because I was never allowed to cultivate the skills to live independently. I was always helping with my parents with their bussiness, no time to learn independence.
Man, she just sounds parasitic. That really sucks. I don’t know anything about therapy or helping people with bad relationships or anything, but it also sounds like she’s isolated you pretty effectively, which I know is a common tactic for people like this.
You said you don’t have the skills to live independently - are you talking about day to day skills, like laundry and cooking; or are you talking more about being employable away from your family?
Depression make it hard to just… endure like a normal work week.
I mean I could probably be “normal” again if I have a safe environment I and get like antidepressants for 6 months, to like slowly transition to independence, but like if you immediately threw me out in the streets with no preparation, I’d probably die really quickly since I’m prediabetic and like hunger kills me really quickly… (like I just feel very shaky without food for like a few hours… if I’m outside and have to deal with extreme temperatures… yea I’d perish lol) and also like my throughts are all over the place…
But I don’t know like… how do I do it…
For context: My older brother is 5 years older than me and he’s still living at home… but he doesn’t even have depression, I do. I kinda how to do do laundry, I did sometimes during my teen years.
I can sort of cook very basic foods, but no idea what is a “normal” nutricious meal… idk how to make 90% of the stuff my dad makes. Too complicated. Idk how to do grocery shopping really. Like more of just anxiety.
I have servere separation anxiety… I tried living at college-owned appartments for some time… I couldn’t sleep at night…
I really can’t get used to living with “strangers”.
So sharing a living space with others could be just as bad as, if not worse, than family.
I really have a fear of someone trying to poison me or mess with my stuff…
Living alone is… well expensive… and also doesn’t really solve the separation anxiety issue.
Idk what my brain is doing. Why am I so emotionally attached to my abusive parents? Especially very attached to my mother even though she is the most abusive one…
It’s really strange… please don’t judge me lol… like I feel anxious around my mother, but also anxious when I’m away from my mother…
So I guess TLDR is just: Separation Anxiety
No time like the present. Run away from that cunt.
You’re young and frustrated. And your parents aren’t parenting well. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you. I suspect your mom is dick-ishly trying to get you to work harder. It will be frustrating but I suggest trying to come to some sort of compromise with her about what you want to do that she also views as “valuable”. If not and you want to rebel (I did, I moved out at 20 and kept my parents at a distance), then start working on those independence skills now. If not, you’ll be miserable and always consider yourself a victim in life, which isn’t a fun way to live despite it feeling good in the moment.
Its such a weird thing.
One minute she tells me: “I love you very much do you know that?”
Then 5 minutes later: “WHY ARE YOU SUCH A LOSER”
Bipolar much?
Jesus christ… its like every 5 minutes, the evil alt-universe twin comes in and swaps places…
what the fuck?
I’m not going to pretend that I understand your culture, I don’t. But I can understand the “child of immigrants” position in the world that we share. I just started a LOT longer ago.
And I won’t belabour the point. I’ll sum up.
They moved here because of what THEY wanted. They also want you to be eternally grateful and follow their example. Except, you are a person, too. So, if they can’t see how glorious you can be, they can either watch you struggle with cognitive dissonance induced depression forever or they can let you grow, explore and find what you’re great at.
For the record, I needed a clean break from my dad to be able to rebuild my life. He was the role in my life that was toxic in the same way you describe your mom. That was in 2005. Incidentally, part of my story also had me leave North America for over a decade. I spent some time in Korea and China while I was away.
I hope you find your way clear. There is a way, you just have to find it. Take it slow. Determination and focus on a goal can help alleviate depression. This is an excellent step, asking about on the 'net. Everyone has value. Your mom is blinded to the fact (and it is certain) that she too was what we once all were, young, naive and full of unrealized potential. So she found her potential and realized it, but she forgot about it ever being unrealized. And that is on her, not on you. She is not better than you because your potential is as yet unrealized, and she’s actively damaging your potential by pretending she is. Ignore it, stay focused and find your way.
Edit: and if you can find professional help that you trust, good. Depression is not just in the mind, it can be physiological as well. You may need to find out, but this will be part of your journey.