Question comes as a kind of addition to one I asked awhile back. It was about having met a truly evil person. I can tell the story again if anyone is interested but as a young teen I interacted with a guy in the Aryan brotherhood from California several times.
Good on ya for respecting the gravity of it and his silence about it. It’s fucking horrible what war does to people. You could sign a contract with the best of intentions, naive as they may be. Regardless of why you joined, they have your ass, and whatever you’re forced into will weigh on you.