Cevilia (they/she/…)@lemmy.blahaj.zone

Cevilia (they/she/…)@lemmy.blahaj.zone

Cevilia (they/she/…)@lemmy.blahaj.zone to

196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish · 4 months ago

The Slop Sketch (with apologies to Monty Python)

Cevilia (they/she/…)@lemmy.blahaj.zone to

196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish · 4 months ago

Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter.

Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.

Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.

Man (to Waitress): Morning!

Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!

Man: Well, what’ve you got?

Waitress: Well, there’s egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and slop; egg bacon and slop; egg bacon sausage and slop; slop bacon sausage and slop; slop egg slop slop bacon and slop; slop sausage slop slop bacon slop tomato and slop;

Vikings (starting to chant): Slop slop slop slop…

Waitress: …slop slop slop egg and slop; slop slop slop slop slop slop baked beans slop slop slop…

Vikings (singing): …slop, lovely slop! Lovely slop!

Waitress: …or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce served in a Provençale manner with shallots and aubergines, garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and a fried egg on top and slop.

Wife: Have you got anything without slop?

Waitress: Well, there’s slop egg sausage and slop, that’s not got much slop in it.

Wife: I don’t want ANY slop!

Man: Why can’t she have egg bacon slop and sausage?

Wife: THAT’S got slop in it!

Man: Hasn’t got as much slop in it as slop egg sausage and slop, has it?

Vikings: Slop slop slop slop (crescendo through next few lines)

Wife: Could you do the egg bacon slop and sausage without the slop then?

Waitress: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean ‘Urgghh’? I don’t like slop!

Vikings: Lovely slop! Wonderful slop!

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely slop! Wonderful slop!

Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can’t have egg bacon slop and sausage without the slop.

Wife (shrieks): I don’t like slop!

Man: Sshh, dear, don’t cause a fuss. I’ll have your slop. I love it. I’m having slop slop slop slop slop slop slop beaked beans slop slop slop and slop!

Vikings (singing): Slop slop slop slop. Lovely slop! Wonderful slop!

Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

Man: Well could I have her slop instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress: You mean slop slop slop slop slop slop… (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)

Vikings (singing elaborately): Slop slop slop slop. Lovely slop! Wonderful slop! Slop slo-o-o-o-o-op slop slo-o-o-o-o-op slop. Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Slop, slop, slop, SLOOOOOOOOOOOP!

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