• StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    111
    arrow-down
    10
    ·
    1 day ago

    Lemmy has an undeniable woman problem that it carried over from Reddit. I’ve lost count of the number of pathetic blokes that I have blocked on here for anti feminism.

    • AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      58
      arrow-down
      7
      ·
      1 day ago

      yep it’s pretty horrible. any time gender issues are brought up there’s dozens of comments saying “what about the men” and completely missing the point

    • mholiv@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      37
      arrow-down
      10
      ·
      edit-2
      1 day ago

      EDIT: Look at the responses to this comment for the proof.

      100%

      It’s really bad and lemmy is really in denial.

      Sexism here is much worse than it was on Reddit.

      It feels like 2008 Reddit here sexism wise, except instead of Ron Paul libertarians tooting their horns everywhere we have heavy tracked vehicle enthusiasts.

      I did hope lemmy having a left leaning culture would help but it does not.

      Try making any post that focuses on situations uniquely or disproportionally experienced by women and you get mostly “everyone has that why think about women” or “what about men” or “men have it worst” responses.

        • mholiv@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          arrow-down
          3
          ·
          edit-2
          17 hours ago

          But the fact that the majority (or perhaps less than half now) of the responses literally prove the point I am trying to make proves my point downvotes or not.

          You have to remember the people who would literally unironically make such a post that proves my post are the densest of the dense.

          Most sexists, while dense, are less dense than a black hole and would not prove my point for me under such a post.

        • mholiv@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          14 hours ago

          I mean if you use the Marxist/Leninist definition of left then obviously not. But I mean left leaning in terms of the societal understanding.

      • misteloct@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        21
        arrow-down
        2
        ·
        1 day ago

        Oh yea? One time I got kicked in the balls and it kinda hurt. Women have it soooo easy.

        • mholiv@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          13
          arrow-down
          3
          ·
          edit-2
          1 day ago

          Alas I have been shown to be wrong! If not for my womanly ways I would have been the wiser!

      • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        6
        arrow-down
        20
        ·
        1 day ago

        Try making any post that focuses on situations uniquely or disproportionally experienced by women and you get mostly “what about men” or “men have it worst” responses.

        that’s kind of just how controversial things are on the internet though.

        Evens shitposting from men will get similar responses from women, it’s just how it is now. Sort of always has been.

        • mholiv@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          35
          arrow-down
          7
          ·
          1 day ago

          THIS. EXACTY THIS RIGHT HERE. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN.

          Me: talks about issue disproportionately affecting women.

          Lemmy User: It’s not really about women. Everyone suffers from this.

          • StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            15
            arrow-down
            2
            ·
            1 day ago

            Lmao look at that douchebag’s comment history. Its arguably worse that than comment itself. God I wish there was a male loneliness epidemic because these fuckers stopped talking.

          • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            arrow-down
            12
            ·
            1 day ago

            yeah bro, it’s the internet, everybody has opinions.

            “yeah so actually i think this is a big problem”

            “yeah evidently it must be a problem, but like, this has always been a problem, and seems to be a consistent problem”

            “YOU’RE LITERALLY THE PROBLEM!!!”

            Lemmy User: It’s not really about women. Everyone suffers from this.

            also to be clear, you are literally straw-manning me here, i’m not saying that “men have to suffer with women having an opinions” nobody cares, it is what it is, i think it’s interesting actually. You’re the one arguing that because people discuss topics that they find personally relevant is somehow “oppressing women”

            I’m not saying you shouldn’t shitpost about that stuff in shitpost threads, by all means do, there’s interesting dialogue in it. I’m just saying this is a common occurrence anywhere on the internet, for any community. Hell go find a community for something as mundane as lego, you’ll find the same shit there.

            Not everybody NEEDS to have their own specific issue that specifically effects them for it to be a valid or real problem. I just think this issue is far broader than most people expect it to be, ironically, i could argue you’re literally behaving the exact same way you claim i am. Because you are, and that’s exactly what’s happening.

            Do i care? No, i don’t it’s the internet do whatever you want.

          • Amanduh@lemm.ee
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            10
            arrow-down
            11
            ·
            1 day ago

            I bet you can take any situation and make yourself a victim

            • mholiv@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              11
              arrow-down
              7
              ·
              edit-2
              1 day ago

              Stttooooppp you’re giving me old school internet sexism nostalgia. 😂 That 2008 energy.

              Do you miss halo 3 lobbies too?

            • StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              14
              arrow-down
              1
              ·
              1 day ago

              Nah but have you ever considered that the reason that you think that there is a male loneliness epidemic is because nobody wants to hang out with insufferable misogynists?

              • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                4
                arrow-down
                13
                ·
                1 day ago

                no, i don’t think that’s a reasonable answer, because you’re doing the fascist thing of “these people are wrong they need to change, and if they don’t we can justify whatever shitty behavior we want, because we’re morally superior”

                It’s not dissimilar to a lot of nazi rhetoric.

                I think the problem ultimately stems from a disconnect in social development through out society. Feminism has pushed women forward, successfully in a lot of ways, but it has also pulled men back, in a lot of ways, that’s not necessarily bad, but there is now a void there, and there is nothing filling it in, that’s why the manosphere got so big so fast. It’s literally capitalizing on an empty market.

                If you want to solve the manosphere, the solution is simple, we need to fill in the void, and fix this disconnect that’s been happening for probably 75 years now. How we go about that is complicated, and not particularly simple, but i think it’s pretty clearly evident that the problem is aimless/directionless guidance for men especially in the last 20 years. Paired with historically contradictory ideas of manhood. Men are supposed to be strong and protect the weak, but it’s hard to do that when they don’t want it, or need it.

                Once this void is filled in, this shit stops happening, simple as.

  • LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    67
    arrow-down
    16
    ·
    1 day ago

    Youre absolutely welcome to join Blahaj zone. Our wonderful administration team (both of whom are women) bans misogyny whenever it comes around to our communities. The mods for our main communities share a very aggressive moderation policy.

    • Konkyer@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      14 hours ago

      As much as I appreciate the community and users, there are (or at least were) serious moderation problems on Blahaj, I did not feel safe there when I tried it a year or two ago.

      • LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        9 hours ago

        I definitely cannot agree. I encourage anyone who has any issues with moderation to make a post in the Blahaj meta community. Ada and Kaity have been spectacular and have responded to every issue I have come across. There are limits, they can’t preemptively prevent any kind of moderation issue but they respond quickly.

    • SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      42
      arrow-down
      19
      ·
      edit-2
      1 day ago

      They also ban real users instead of the people literally calling their gender “dragonfucker” and “attack helicopter”

      There were a bunch of users who got angry about these users mocking gender expression and then when they told the trolls to fucking stop Ada banned them

      The blahaj admins are trolls

      • sudo@programming.dev
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        10 hours ago

        The pronoun was just “drag”. PJ is the one who kept calling them “dragonfucker”. You can go read dragonriders comments instead of just repeating gossip.

          • sudo@programming.dev
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            10 hours ago

            They were already banned for other trolling behavior, just not because they used neopronouns. Please get an actual bearing on reality.

            • SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              1
              arrow-down
              2
              ·
              9 hours ago

              Sorry I’m not allowed to use that space because I called a troll a troll before the Admins felt like doing their fucking jobs.

              I’m not going back now, blahaj is a cess pool controlled by trolls.

      • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        38
        arrow-down
        7
        ·
        1 day ago

        I give Ada a lot of credit. In the early days, I had the following interaction:

        TOPIC: Something about sexual/gender preferences, I don’t remember, asking people their preferences

        Me: responds with my preferences (I’m straight cis male, I like women so I’m down with post-transition trans women but pre-transition don’t turn me on)

        Some random user: respectfully asks if I would be willing to date a pre-transition trans man

        Me: I guess, but it probably wouldn’t work due to the fact that what I like about their body, they hate

        Some of those professionally offended people took a misleading screenshot of my response and started screaming about “chasers”.

        Ada did an admin post to the community backing me up and calling those idiots out.

        So unless she’s changed a lot, I don’t think she’s a troll. It would have been easy to go with the mob but she stuck up for me.

        • vxx@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          2
          arrow-down
          4
          ·
          edit-2
          1 day ago

          Still could be TERFS.

          I don’t have any deeper knowledge of that instance, just what I saw in all, so I don’t want to put anything on them. That thought just came across reading your comment.

          I have made a mental remark in the past that the posts and users on this instance are better treated from afar, though.

          • blind3rdeye@lemm.ee
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            2
            ·
            21 hours ago

            It’s pretty harsh to just casually suggest that a person be a TERF without any specific evidence.

          • cally [he/they]@pawb.social
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            10
            ·
            1 day ago

            i dont understand, please explain further. if blahaj mods have ignored misandry, that would be a bad thing. hate is generally regarded as bad, and misandry is hatred of men. therefore, misandry should be generally regarded as bad.

            • blind3rdeye@lemm.ee
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              6
              ·
              21 hours ago

              That’s true on face value. The issue is that accusations of misandry are almost always unfounded, and only made as a way to deflect and to attack women. So when people start talking about misandry, that’s generally a red flag.

              It’s similar to how “all lives matter” is definitely a true and good value - but yet it is almost always said as a way to divert support away from vulnerable groups. So although the literal meaning is good, it is fair to assume that people saying it do not have good intentions.

            • irelephant [he/him]🍭@lemm.ee
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              1
              arrow-down
              1
              ·
              13 hours ago

              You are right, but what he is calling misandry is not misandry, and so many people like him think misandry is the bigger problem now.

              • SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                1
                ·
                8 hours ago

                Misandry is a huge problem in the space.

                It’s why I couldn’t stand r/TwoXChromosomes anymore.

                The amount of people saying we should “kill all men” without being banned is insane, if someone typed the opposite they would instantly get dogpiled and removed.

                The blahaj admins have a record of supporting trolls and hateful people, just as long as they use the “right” language.

                • irelephant [he/him]🍭@lemm.ee
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  1
                  ·
                  4 hours ago

                  I feel like the whole supporting trolls thing is overblown.
                  They said that you should still use someone’s pronouns, even if they are trolling, because it sets the precedent that its okay to ignore someone’s pronoun preference.

                  Unless there is more that I missed.

      • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        2
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        1 day ago

        “dragonfucker” and “attack helicopter”

        i mean, if they’re doing it as a haha funny, i see no harm, but if they’re also being assholes, i think that takes precedent. You aren’t legally required to fill in your gender tagging appropriately so.

        • Like the wind...@sh.itjust.works
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          12
          ·
          1 day ago

          They are an asshole though, a serial pot stirring drama seeking troll that gets people banned for reacting to their ragebait. Yeah I identify as a refurbished ebike and you must relearn English to refer to me, and you only rather not because you agree with literal genocide. Funny!

        • boonhet@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          5
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          1 day ago

          I haven’t seen the attack helicopter and the joke is pretty damn old tbh, but drag at least is/was kinda funny. Drag’s profile specified that drag’s pronoun is “drag” in not just third, but also first and second person, which is an interesting concept. Drag also stayed in character in drag’s posts. Drag didn’t ever really bother people with the whole thing IMO.

    • Lemminary@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      5
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      1 day ago

      Pfft, I’d say overly aggressive to a fault. It’s not a good thing when they’re banning people for a passing comment where the worst offence is “gatekeeping” rather than something that matters.

      • StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        1 day ago

        It really seems like instance admins tend to do a much better job with a lot of stuff on here than the core devs. Its a shame that forking would take as much work as it would.

        • AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          21 hours ago

          well some of the devs are too busy arguing over which authoritarian boot tastes the best, all under the guide of leftism, so yeah I imagine the bar isn’t exactly high

  • FinishingDutch@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    8
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    1 day ago

    Be the change you wish to see in the world.

    It really comes down to this: if you want your own space for particular interests, you should create one and find likeminded people to populate it. Just waiting for it to magically appear isn’t going to work. Be assertive.

  • MECHAGODZILLA2@midwest.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    35
    arrow-down
    9
    ·
    1 day ago

    The comments here make me very disappointed in our little corner of the internet. If anyone wants this but doesn’t know how, neither do I but I’d be happy help.

    • i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      36
      arrow-down
      7
      ·
      1 day ago

      I am disappointed but not surprised. The attitude of men here reminds me a lot of default subs in Reddit. People tend to be more civil, but there is so much “but what about men?” when talking about women’s issues or belittling women still. Business as usual on the Internet, but I can see why it would cause women to avoid Lemmy.

      I haven’t been back to Reddit, but it makes me miss the small niches where I didn’t see that as often.

      • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        11
        arrow-down
        6
        ·
        1 day ago

        I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again, gender relations here are worse than they were on reddit when I stopped using it.

        • ameancow@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          9
          ·
          edit-2
          1 day ago

          It’s a more niche “back room” kind of forum, so there are less casual browsers and more technerds here, which makes it predominantly male for a lot of reasons that require a whole other discussion to analyse, but it’s exactly like when reddit was a niche “back room” website gaining popularity.

          Lets not forget when reddit started, it was absolute chaos, some of the very worst communities imaginable where at home there, and the userbase RAGED every time some pedo or hate sub got purged. But they did get purged, and it became welcoming for a more diverse group of users to participate in. (Until the bot nation attacked)

        • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          6
          ·
          1 day ago

          i wonder if it’s not just worse on lemmy, but gotten worse over time, with the manosphere shit and all it’s relevant problems, neither feminism nor the manosphere, or traditional male gender role has really addressed this issue comprehensively, and we’re starting to see pushback from this issue in real life now, men are enrolling into college less than women, they do worse in most environments, and also are generally worse when it comes to mental health.

          I wonder if we just need like a dedicated “social issues space” where people can talk about this stuff.

        • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          6
          arrow-down
          18
          ·
          1 day ago

          I mean there’s like 3 women on lemmy, and 2 of em are trans. I don’t think there really ARE any gender relations here.

      • 3DMVR@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        7
        arrow-down
        2
        ·
        edit-2
        1 day ago

        womans only spaces (popping up because of male dominated spaces) do lead to male only spaces but who cares, ppl that want to be in those spaces can stay there idrc, they dont want my input I dont want theirs

        • i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          12
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          1 day ago

          Yeah, it’s natural to have spaces that aren’t for me. It’s fine. I really just have an issue with spaces where I am supposedly welcome to be hostile towards me.

    • frog_brawler@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      23 hours ago

      I think there’s a few tutorials about how to set up your own lemmy instance. If so compelled; go for it! If you have any sort of IT background it’ll probably be pretty easy.

  • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    52
    arrow-down
    3
    ·
    2 days ago

    Most of the fediverse is male, and there’s a significant trans woman space, but there’s no spaces that really cater to cis women or to trans men specifically that I’ve seen.

    And yes, I think it’s reasonable to look for a space that is strongly (though not exclusively) cis-woman, in the same way that a Protestant would feel out of place in a Catholic community, even though they’re all Christian. I imagine most cis women feel the same way as I (a cis man) feel when going to blahaj - like a friendly, allied visitor in a foreign land.

  • ZeffSyde@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    26
    arrow-down
    4
    ·
    1 day ago

    I want there to be a witchesvspatreiarchy here, but I’m a dude and it’d be messed up if I started it.

  • Draconic NEO@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    124
    arrow-down
    8
    ·
    2 days ago

    lemmy.blahaj.zone has a decent amount of women and both their admins are women, it’s not a “women’s space” as one would describe since everyone is welcome there but it’s probably the closest thing one would describe as an instance “by women for women”. I am obligated to mention that it is a queer instance and that many of the women there are either trans themselves or strongly supportive of trans people, and do not tolerate transphobia or anti-LGBT sentiment (including refusal to support LGBTQ people) at all.

    • Konkyer@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      14 hours ago

      As much as I appreciate the community and users at Blahaj, in my personal experience, the moderation was fairly wanting. At least a year or two ago (not sure about now), they tolerated some pretty freakish right-wing people who enabled chasers and other weird shit on their communities.

      • Draconic NEO@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        5 hours ago

        They certainly do not seem very tolerant of that now, they very commonly ban people for thinly veiled homophobia and transphobia that would normally slide on other sites. They do not even seem mildly willing to tolerate the intolerant.

    • Nursery2787@lemmy.ml
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      74
      arrow-down
      4
      ·
      2 days ago

      Beat me to it. Their zero tolerance for misogyny/transphobia extends to who they federate with. If a server doesn’t care about its users being transphobic then it gets the axe. I remember it being a big hub bub because an instance was actually using its defederation option.

    • 3DMVR@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      1 day ago

      spinster exists but I think its the opposite where its antitrans

  • Ulrich@feddit.org
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    36
    arrow-down
    14
    ·
    2 days ago

    Pardon my ignorance but what would be the point of that? You can sign up on any instance and participate in any women’s communities. It’s not like there’s any way to verify the user’s gender anyway.

    • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      1 day ago

      You really don’t see the benefit to a group of similar people to have a space focused on them, their wants and needs and daily lives? A community of people like them? It’s one of the most fundamental human desires.

    • pseudo@jlai.lu
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      29
      ·
      2 days ago

      Local feed I guess. I wouldn’t trade my french local feed to another despite the abillity to subscribe to the community that made it.

      • Coelacanth@feddit.nu
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        1 day ago

        Local feed is one of the best parts of Lemmy conceptually and a very clear indicator that the intended behaviour for users is to sign up to smaller insurances related to their location or otherwise significant individual interests.

      • Ulrich@feddit.org
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        1 day ago

        Couldn’t you sign up on another instance and still subscribe to all the same communities?

        • pseudo@jlai.lu
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          13 hours ago

          It would only work if I don’t subscribe to any other instances. That’s a bad tradeoff.

          The fediverse needs a tool to surf other instances local feed cause that’s a common issue for both the threadiverse and twittoverse. Soon, we may have enough theme-oriented PixelFed instances for them to have the same issue. I believe PieFed multicommunity feeds to be the best way to tackle it so far but that’s not even a good solution.

    • Genius@lemmy.zip
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      32
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      2 days ago

      A community like that would hopefully ban misogynists who go unbanned on other communities.

    • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comBanned
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      1 day ago

      with enough admin and moderation you could circle jerk your way into a “woman positive” or “woman friendly space” which would be the idea.

  • Ledericas@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    5
    arrow-down
    6
    ·
    17 hours ago

    almost all the subs that “are women” are basically astroturfed by men, or some of them are male users posting as a “woman”

    • Mubelotix@jlai.lu
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      22
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      2 days ago

      There seems to be a majority of males even in that community though

      • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        18 hours ago

        Are you talking about browsers/commentors? Cause almost all the prolific posters are women, unless you’re being transphobic

      • gwen@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        19
        ·
        edit-2
        2 days ago

        every femcel community gets invaded by guys at some point. see: r/letgirlshavefun and r/femcelgrippysockjail. theres one that went private and thats keeping out the men really well (and is the only community im still on reddit for)

        • Ricky Rigatoni@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          2
          arrow-down
          2
          ·
          1 day ago

          Well maybe if girls weren’t weird and trying to make shaving fun they wou

          I don’t know how to finish this joke I’m tired. Finish it for me i give quest xp

    • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      6
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      1 day ago

      Hahaha the name doesn’t do it justice tbh, *cel has connotations that femcelmemes really just doesn’t have